We’ve all been on that see-saw, but do you know how to maintain a balance?

One second you’re up, enjoying the thrill, the next, you’re dreading hitting the ground, hoping for a soft landing. I still give the see-saw at the playground a go sometimes. It’s all relative. Life can feel just like that — ups and downs. But what’s interesting are the feelings that accompany these ups and downs — the highs and lows. Either you are elated when things are going your way or deflated when things aren’t. In the case of the see-saw, how often are two people on either end both suspended in the air? Now try achieving this in reality — not so easy either.

Hand in Hand

“I’ve experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I think to really appreciate anything you have to be at both ends of the spectrum.” — John Elway

The fact is, without one, you won’t have the context of the other. You have to be at your lowest, at rock bottom, ready to give up everything, cry until your eyes bleed, and then come back stronger, so the next time you find yourself in pitch darkness, you don’t feel the black. Your eyes have adapted to when the lights go out.

I’ve learned to dance with the highs and hold hands with the lows.

On an ordinary winter’s day walk with my kids, my son climbed up a mountain of snow and ice piled on the side of the road. He was thrilled when he reached the top, but when it was time to come down, I saw the hesitation on his face as his eyes darted this way and that, looking for a path. He couldn’t find a safe enough descent. At the time, an elderly couple was walking past and commented after witnessing the whole thing:

“Easier going up than coming down.”

To which I replied:

“And yet, it never stops them.”

Kids are resilient. No matter how many times they face anguish or adversity, they are always ready for a climb. No questions, maybe some hesitation, but always the excitement of being on top.

The Summit

When you’re at your highest point, it’s easy to view everything as promising, with many possibilities. It’s also the best time to acknowledge that a low point exists too.

Take wall climbing, for example. Initially, for me, it was challenging getting to the top — someone who barely has any upper body strength; someone who can scarcely do monkey bars; someone who does push-ups and feels like their arms might separate from their shoulders. So, even when I get to the top, my celebration is short-lived. Looking down, I realize I have to release to get to the bottom, let go and trust the auto-belay to take my weight, with gravity doing the rest. You only need to experience the descent once to overcome the fear and anticipate the thrill of climbing to the top again.

What if you are at the top and of your own free will wish to go to the bottom? The first and only time I bungee jumped was in Whistler, British Columbia. I had nerves of steel which quickly turned into a pool of liquid the moment the guy had to strap me up for my jump. My adrenaline spiked, and it was all downhill from there, literally. I secretly wished he would push me at the count of three but do it at 2, so I wouldn’t expect it. The shock itself would keep the fear at bay. Fortunately, this was not their policy. I willed myself and jumped. It was exhilarating.

What’s not so exhilarating is having a cushy job and leaving it behind. Living in one country with a high-paying job can seem daunting when moving countries and considering taking a lower pay or position. In life, you go through peaks and troughs, some planned, some intentional, and others unforeseen — the question is always — how do you prepare and deal with maintaining the same calm and energy when at the top and the bottom?

Neutral Ground

If time doesn’t allow for anything else, it always allows for self-reflection.

We know that there are many elements in life out of our control. The one thing that is is our response to what happens. And since life tends to repeat itself, there will always be a next time. The more you self-reflect, the better you get at handling the fluctuations.

Meet in the middle

Manage getting to the middle and the rest of the way won’t seem impossible anymore. Instead of focusing on the two extremes — happy and sad, high and low, angry and calm — focus on the center, the space in the middle. Here you don’t take sides and accept with maturity, understanding, empathy, and without judgment.

Mentally Prepare

Start at the beginning, whether you’ll come down from your high or stay there.

For example, if you’re happy with an accomplishment, really think about why that accomplishment happened and what elements contributed to it. By doing this, you’ll identify small or large things that can be easily replicated or done better next time. If you can do this, then you’ll be able to muster a new high as you did the first time.

Conversely, when experiencing your lowest low, think about what caused that low. Once that’s identified, you can implement changes and manage similar lows again better equipped. This, in itself, is a new high.

Fail often but fail well

When at your high point, you’re happy. You’ve accomplished a goal or worked your way through a difficult situation. Then something unexpected happens or refuses to go the way you want, and you feel like everything has come crashing down around you. The more open you are to fail, the more you will fail, the more tolerant you will become, and the quicker you will pick yourself up — the perfect opportunity to keep reinventing yourself.

Justify the change

It could be an opportunity for you to change industries, do something more in line with your passions and interests, and lead to a less stressful job with more work-life balance. Answer one question: What trade-offs am I willing to accept? Dig deep.

Mountains to Climb

Dealing with lows comes with its fair share of challenges. If you believe in what Tony Robbins says — life doesn’t happen to you, but for you— you can overcome lack of motivation, the fear of failure, negativity, and unworthiness with courage, flexibility, positivity, and compassion.

Lack of motivation

It’s impossible to do anything when unmotivated. You have to have at least some desire to do something. If you’re unmotivated, give yourself time. Take a couple of days off. Refresh, recoup, and relax. Motivation will come back soon enough if you’re willing to wait for it.

Fear failing

Failure is in direct competition with motivation for your time, energy, and thought processes. Failure will give you the opposite of motivation: reasons why things won’t work, why changes can be impossible, or why there’s no way you’ll be able to get through the situation at hand. Failure is only as powerful as your willingness to believe in it.

Constant negativity

It’s common for people going from their highs to their lows to project negativity. On the other end of the spectrum, positive toxicity is also harmful. Things happen for whatever reason, and you’ll eventually see this reason. In the meantime, be positive by all means, without ignoring your emotions. Go from ‘good vibes only’ to ‘any vibe is acceptable.’

Feeling empty

When you feel empty, there’s a lack of something. It can be anything from love to energy or a lack of money. In this case, your highs generally get higher, and your lows start feeling lower than they originally were — new low points. Replace the emptiness with compassion or a purpose. Replace love with passion or self-love. It sounds counterintuitive, but the solution to lack of energy is exercise. For lack of money, try looking for opportunities.

Final Say

Life is a contract that we’ve all signed, that dictates the highest highs and lowest lows. Alternatively, we can see them as experiences, and even after loads of contemplation, we wouldn’t deny ourselves these experiences. All experiences are transformative.

Once we learn how to manage and maintain a state of balance, of equilibrium, whichever way the pendulum sways, your lows will eventually become sustainable, and your highs will feel extraordinary by contrast.

For the highs and lows,
and moments between,
mountains and valleys,
and rivers and streams
For where you are now
and where you will go,
For “I’ve always known”
And “I told you so,”
for “nothing is happening,”
and “all has gone wrong,”
it’s here in this journey
you will learn to be strong
you will get where you’re going,
landing where you belong.
— Morgan Harper Nichols