Life with no fear is a fantasy

Are you ready to face your fears for a chance to win up to $50,000?

Watching Fear Factor, these would be the words you hear, when teams of two compete for the chance to win $50,000. Would you dare to face your fears for that much money? Nobody can convince you not to be afraid. If they do, you only giving fears a pass, you are not conquering it for yourself.

Fear is a natural, powerful, and primitive human emotion. It involves a universal biochemical response as well as a high individual emotional response. Fear alerts us to the presence of danger or the threat of harm, whether that danger is physical or psychological.

It is one word and amongst one of the most powerful human emotions. Yet you can challenge it by a myriad of other words, and emotions: faith, love, trust, encouragement, bravery, assurance, contentment, happiness, calmness, comfort, courage, heroism, confidence, calm, joy, cheer, fearlessness.

Fear can take the form of many things. Whether big or small, it is still fear. I’ve had a fear of spiders most of my life. I could very well be a million times bigger than the smallest one, and yet it would scare the living daylights out of me. Before, I would kill the small ones with a shoe. Now, I pick them up with a tissue and move them outside the house. I conquered my phobia of the smaller ones and am working on the big ones.

While this is one example, there are others. Fear of: expectations, of conflict, of judgment, of putting myself out there (like I am doing with my writing), of being an inadequate mom, of getting back into the workforce, of living with migraines my whole life, and the list can go on. I have conquered many of these and am working on others.

We are not born with fears. They get instilled in us throughout our lives, and when something triggers it, you feel fearful. An example could be you climbing a tree as a child. You told to be careful to prevent a fall or worse, broken bones. It leads to doubting your innate abilities. What is surprising is that fears are real and imaginary. We learn to fear so we can also unlearn it.

Fear of anything is like an obstacle. Once you overcome them, you are telling your brain it is possible. When you keep facing your fears and defeating them, you eventually get to a stage where fears no longer rule your life.

So, what can you do? Depending on your ability, here are two ways to tackle your fears.

1. Don’t choose fear as an option

It’s not easy by any means, but watching one video changed everything for me. It was a video I came across of Will Smith (What Skydiving Taught Me About Fear), and if I had to emulate his life, it would be the way he approaches fears in general. Listening to his words, helped me face my fears head-on and, I hope it scares them out of you.

I’m motivated by fear. Fear of fear. I hate being scared to do something. And I think what developed in my early days was the attitude that I started attacking things that I was scared of — Will Smith

Will Smith says: “Fear is not real. It is the product of the thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me, danger is very real. But fear is a choice. You realize that the point of maximum danger is the point of minimum fear. God places the best things on the other side of fear.”

Is that not powerful and true? Whenever I encounter a situation where my fears are on high alert, I replay those words in my head, and somehow I can change those fears into confidence, self-assurance, bravery and faith.

Fear has two meanings:
Forget everything and run or Face everything and rise,
The choice is yours

2. Define your fears by imagining the worst-case scenario

Sometimes facing your fears might not be your go-to, initial approach. The next best thing would be to give it more attention. Maximum attention, minimum glory.

In his inspirational TED Talk speech, Tim Ferris encourages us to define our fears instead of our goals.

He believes in making the hard choices — the ones that we most fear doing. A simple way to do this is to write down your fears in detail.

Fear-setting exercise

1. Imagine and write down all the worst things that could happen to you if you took action.
2. Next, write down what can you do to prevent these things from happening or decrease the likelihood of them happening.
3. If the worst-case scenario happened, what could you do to repair the damage? Or who could you ask for help?
4. What might be the benefits of an attempt or partial success?
5. Look at the cost of inaction (physically, emotionally or financially). What would your life look like in 6 months, one year, and 3 years?

Final thoughts by Nelson Mandela: “I learnt that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”